Married a Month: Some Honest Thoughts on Getting Married

We did it!

As those of you who follow me on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook will know, we were married a month ago today in the most beautiful ceremony at Kings College in Cambridge. So many of you sent lovely messages of congratulations and wanting to know more about the details, so whilst we wait for the photos to come back, I thought I’d share some reflections on the day.

In the interests of full disclosure and saying the things no bridal blogger ever admits, I should preface this by saying I never really pictured myself as the ‘marrying’ kind. I didn’t ever dream of a big white wedding as a young girl, probably at least in part down to the fact I didn’t have the best example set by my own parents (who divorced spectacularly after 10 years) and my subsequent fear of divorce. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not against the institution of marriage per se, but it was never really a life goal of mine upon which I pinned my future happiness.

Yet despite my somewhat lukewarm feelings about getting married, none of this is to detract from my relationship – which has been a great source of happiness in my life for more than a decade. I met Mark 12.5 years ago (on New Year’s Eve), and from our very first date, we both knew we would be together for the long haul. But between two overseas moves (him to Japan, and then both of us to England), a PhD, first jobs, and buying our first home together, having a wedding just wasn’t the top priority. So we decided to go at our own happy snail’s pace until our 10th anniversary when he proposed. We had originally planned on getting married last summer (a year and a half seemed about right to give people advance notice for travel and to plan a wedding whilst working full time – without sending ourselves into a frenzy), but when we were told by King’s College that the Chapel was to be restored for much of the summer, we postponed until this summer (because it was worth waiting for and because scaffolding isn’t my vibe; not because we had cold feet!)

But as the wedding loomed, we started to get a bit overwhelmed by the stress of how much there was to do, how much of our savings we were spending (we were planning and paying for most things on our own), and by a few of the people we considered closest to us who couldn’t bring themselves to share in our joy (some of my closest family and friends showed zero interest, and my oldest friend had a meltdown both a week before and after the wedding). I confess that at one point, we both wished we had saved ourselves the stress and just eloped (and if people hadn’t already booked their flights a year in advance, we might have!)

As the day finally rolled around, it really was the most incredible experience to throw a wonderful big Cambridge party and get to declare our love for each other in front of so many people we love. I honestly couldn’t stop smiling from the moment I laid eyes on everyone in the Chapel to the moment we said our farewells, and I’ll treasure those memories always.

To be honest I’m still not a fully-fledged member of the ‘smug married’ club (in the words of Bridget Jones) just yet – I haven’t changed my name, the title ‘wife’ still makes me cringe a little, we haven’t been on honeymoon yet (we’re saving that for January), and there were so many outdated wedding traditions I chose to eschew on the day* – but we couldn’t be happier. Whilst we’ve been together so long that it doesn’t really feel any different to be married, there are definitely moments where we feel like more of an official ‘team’, and that’s a pretty great feeling.

Thank you all so much again for all your sweet messages; I read each and every one with a big smile on my face! If there’s anything in particular you want to see or know about the wedding, then please let me know in the comments below and I’ll try to share everything on here in the weeks to come.

Love, Miss B xx

* perhaps that is a subject deserving of its own post. There are so many wedding traditions that I love, but so many I just couldn’t bring myself to partake in. I asked on Twitter whether those of you who were married had chosen to keep their own names, take their partner’s name, or hyphenate the two, and I was so fascinated by all the responses on each side of the debate.